Blog they said...

"Blog" they said
"It will be fun" they said.

Well here i am. Ready to have fun. Or at least i'll be able to get some things out of my head and onto paper... well my laptop screen. Maybe when it's all out on here i can see just how insane i really am. I will be honest, i don't care about grammar or punctuation. I do care a little bit about spelling but only because i have spell check on my computer. If you do care about those other things then in my mind you are the minority on the internet. So deal with my grammar and lack of punctuation or read another blog.

So this is my tiny footprint on the internet. It's plain and simple just like me. In my heart of hearts i'm a plain jane who sticks by the rules and wishes i could be a rebel.

hrm, rebelling. What would i rebel against? Well i guess you should know a little bit about me if your going to read my blog. A/S/L? i don't think so.

I'm a wife and a mother. Im also a reader, iPhone app game player, Vacation planner, Chef, Cleaner, Lost item finder, Taxi driver and a Nurse who very very occasionally becomes a wine taster & blogger.

MrD runs his own company. Being the boss can be a good thing at times. He provides very well for myself & MstrD. He is home on weekends and usually works 9:30am to 5pm week days. MstrD goes to daycare 5 days a week. So what do i do?

Well before this year started i worked entry level positions since i left school. I generally earned a basic wage while MrD started up company after company. Finally 6 years ago he started a company that really worked. (lots failed) So i finished up my current job 3 years ago to have MstrD.  I needed some help with his conception but we were lucky that it only took 1 round of IVF. I was a SAHM (stay at home mum) for the first 2 years of his life. Then this year it felt like all he wanted to do was go to kindy and play with his friends. So where does that leave me?

I'll study! i chose a course, went in and took off. Unfortunately that left no one to do the jobs around the house. I tried to do it on the weekends but Mr & MstrD wanted me to spend time with them. It was the same in the mornings and again in the evenings. I have piled on the weight due to poor eating habits and dust is collecting on my gym equipment because i don't have time to use it.

So the question i'm now faced with is this. Do i keep studying and trying to keep on top of everything or do i stay at home and keep the household in order?

Suddenly i feel like Mrs Hughes. Surly only houses as big as Downton abby require a full time staff member to run? Well yes & no. I need to clean 3 bathrooms, Dyson the 3 bedrooms & the lounge. mop the bathroom & kitchen floors. I also have to cook dinner & prepare healthy breakfast, lunch & snacks for the 3 of us. I have to wash the sheets on 2 beds, wash the clothing of 3 people(including a messy toddler), then dry, fold and put it all away. I have to do the grocery shopping (Organic is healthiest right? can't buy that at Woolies). Fill the car up with fuel, tidy the toys and sweep the balcony. Ok so that will take up most of the week. It still doesn't look like enough work to justify no going to work/school...

Lets add in 1 hour of exercise each day to lose the weight i've packed on, and i'll need some social interaction so i don't go mad and talk to myself. So lets say 1 day volunteering per week. Not to sound like one of those uppity 'Ladies who lunch' but i think some down time with a girlfriend isn't too much to ask either?

Suddenly i find myself presented with a full time commitment that pays absolutely nothing. YAY! Thankfully MrD doesn't mind that as long as i'm there when he needs me. Is it wrong to want to play the role of a good housewife? I'm not saying i have to be a size 6 who has MstrD home all the time & still bakes gluten/egg/nut free cakes & slices found on Pinterest with a full face of make-up and who is ready for sex as soon as hubby walks in the door, but a real woman who stays at home, cooks, cleans and prioritises family over everything else? MstrD would stay at daycare but i would drop him off late and pick him up early because he loves it.

Or should i put myself first, obtain my career goals, get a job, earn a wage and hire someone to cook & clean for me? Thats the other option i guess. To hire someone to clean. Order lite n easy to cook for us (even MstrD) squeeze in gym at 5am and sleep when i'm dead? There are other things that aren't as easy to solve.

Vacations! I love going away. Lets be honest, Who doesn't? Over the last few years MrD's company has done well and we have been able to take a few holidays. The problem is with me studying we can only go away during the school holidays. Before MrD would come home and say lets go somewhere next week for 3 weeks. just book it to the value of XXX dollars. The good thing was we usually got great last minute rates because it was often low season ext. Now everything is incredibly expensive due to the fact that we are restricted to the school holiday period and MrD's staff want the holidays off too so there is no one to cover him. I wasn't expecting this until MstrD went to school & even then i didn't think it would really stop us until he's in late primary school. The inflexibility of it is causing arguments between MrD and myself and thats something that i can fix by being at home.

Couple time. One of the reasons that i think MrD and i have managed to stay together for so long is that we always make time for each other. We got together in high school about 15 years ago. We have always tried to spend a day per week by ourselves. Some times it's doing geeky things like watching a Dr. Who marathon on tv. Other times we go driving through the bush or out on the Jet Ski. When MstrD was born we had a date night while he was little where we would stay at home but order in and snuggle up t a movie. As he got older MrD dropped a day of work so we could spend every friday together while MstrD was at daycare. This year MrD has too much going on to only work 4 days a week and with my study i can't even spend an hour having coffee with him before work. I can fix this by staying at home too.

In the past when i've been between jobs and left at home to cook and clean just for MrD and myself. Way back before MstrD i fell into a depression and became addicted to World of Warcraft. I neglected the housework and gained 20kg. Whats to say that won't happen again? Maybe it will be worse because i'll neglect MstrD as well as MrD. I'm anxious that i won't be able to make it work again.

So will i be happy staying at home? Will it be enough this time around or will history repeat it'self. If that happens i'll end up depressed, eating Cheetos on the lounge screaming at Maury to test another guy because the last one isn't her baby's daddy... But maybe, just maybe I can be the happy, Weight appropriate, mum, wife and person that i know is inside of me.

At this point the grass is dead on both sides of the fence and i have to put on my gardening hat and make a decision as to which lawn i'm going to work on. Because after the shit has hit the fan and fertalized the soil the only thing left to do is grow a garden.